Finding Happiness
by lboduch
Summary: This is a different outcome after 5.08. What if Peyton went to find her happiness? Would it lead her back to the one she let go?
1. Chapter 1

She sat in her office knowing what she had to do but dreading it at the same time

She sat in her office knowing what she had to do but dreading it at the same time. She was holding a picture of them. The one Brooke took when they were not looking. They were both smiling and looking into each other's eyes. A tear now rolls down her cheek because she cannot remember the last time she was that happy.

Peyton put away the picture in the album and sighed. "I will always love you Lucas but I will try to do this for you", she said.

Peyton got into her car and for the first time could not think of a song to help lift her spirits. Driving down the road she remembered the first time they met. No one had ever made her feel nervous like that. No one else had ever sent tingles down her spine.

She knew they were made for each other, but she also knew life was not like the fairy tales. Sometimes the princess did not get the prince. Sometimes you just had to settle for less than perfection.

She pulled up to the school where they shared so much. Sighing yet again she sat for about ten minutes trying to gain the nerve. She looked into the mirror making sure the tale-tale signs of tears were gone and walked into the gym.

Lucas was standing in the middle of the gym in silent reflection, a small smile on his face. He was thinking about the game. Not the soon to be played game, his first as the coach of the ravens, but the first game he played in there.

He looked over to the place where Peyton cheered remembering how he always loved to watch her in that uniform which showed her perfect legs. The legs that still plague him to this day. He can't stop thinking about her. He almost wished she never came back. Life would have gone on. The proposal wouldn't have had to happen so quickly.

He tried to switch his thoughts to Lindsay, but being here in the gym where him and Peyton shared so much made it impossible.

He heard someone walk in. "Hey there", Peyton said. "What are you doing here", asked Lucas.

Peyton stood for a moment not sure what to say next. She slowly walked over to him. Why does he have to look so handsome she thought? This would be so much easier if I didn't want to melt when he looks at me.

Peyton stood in front of Lucas and took his hand. "I need to let you know something", she said. "I love you Lucas, I always will. It breaks my heart every time I see you and Lindsay together. I can't stop you from marrying her; I know that. I am done trying", she said.

Peyton could feel the tears starting to build, but she needed to stay strong. Peyton started again, "I was reminded today that the greatest sacrifice in love is burying the feelings and being a friend. So I am letting go for you Lucas. If this is where your happiness is than you should have it. I need to go find mine", she said with tears starting to fall.

She let go of his hand, placed a kiss on his cheek, and turned around to leave. She started walking toward the door but Lucas yelled, "Peyton." She turned around and said, "Luke…I can't." Peyton then ran off.

Lucas stood stunned. He felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. Suddenly the weight of every decision he made in the last several weeks caught up with him. She was gone. He walked down to his office and sat down. He pulled out the emergency bottle that Skills gave him and poured himself a drink. He pulled out the drawer of his desk and picked up a picture under a stack of papers. It was the one that Brooke took when they weren't looking. They looked so happy. He whispered, "I do love you Peyton."

Back at the Peyton's car she was crying. She knew she needed to do that but letting go is never easy. She pulled herself together and turned on the radio. Amy Winehouse's Back to Black was on. How fitting she thought. She drove off with a sad smile, knowing she needed to find her happiness.


	2. Chapter 2

Peyton walked inside of the house she and Brooke shared

Peyton walked inside of the house she and Brooke shared. Brooke was skimming through a fashion magazine and sipping on a cosmo. "Hey Peyton…what happened to you?"

"I finished it. I finally told Lucas I was done. The truth is I am tired of being the chaser. I am tired of being the girl he wants when he has another girl. I just want someone who only wants me. Who doesn't need other girls to figure it out. I am done with the tears", Peyton replied.

"Aww sweetie, good for you. You know I was rooting for a leyton reunion, but I haven't seen you happy in weeks", Brooke said. "Wait you know what we need, a good ole fashioned lets get drunk and forget about guys night", Brooke said.

"Make me a drink b davis", replied Peyton. Peyton and Brooke started drinking, girlie talking, and of course listening to awesome music.

Meanwhile...Lucas finally left his office at the school. He left a little too buzzed for his normal liking but considering the night he just had he no longer cared. He walked to his bedroom. The one he shared with his soon to be wife. He saw Lindsay sleeping peacefully.

He knew she loved him. He did love her too in the way he could after Peyton. The fact was he liked that someone would say yes and would be there for him. He liked how easy it was with Lindsay. With Peyton it was never easy, even when they were together.

He passed by the bed and went into the closet, pulling out the Peyton box. He hated himself for doing this to Lindsay. He hated himself for doing this to Peyton. The problem was he didn't know what to say. To Lucas the last few weeks have been made up of what should have been. To be a published author he really was at a loss of words for everything that was going on.

He sat with the Peyton box in his lap. He didn't need pictures to remember her beauty. The way her curly blonde hair glistened in the sun and the smile she gave him were indescribable.

Suddenly without ever opening the box he put it back in the secret place. He brought his laptop to the living room suddenly inspired. He knew he was in for an all nighter.

Back at Brooke's…the girls had already had four or five drinks so the dancing had already begun. Peyton and Brooke were having a who can go down the lowest competition when they both fell over on the floor.

"Peyton", laughed Brooke, "as your bestest friend you need to tell me how long it has been since you got some loving."

"Brooky", Peyton drunkenly responded, "that is for me to know and you to never find out." "But I am b davis, the fashion mogul, your besty, so you must tell", responded Brooke.

"Not since Lucas. What don't give me that look, I have been busy. Not like that you perve", laughed Peyton, "trying to get my career started." "I know!", Brooke said, "I will find you someone to fill those llooonnellly nights."

Both girls were rolling on the floor laughing by now. "Brooke you know I love you right. I love you for being here with me. I know the next few months are going to be hard so if I am constantly pissy I want you to know that", Peyton seriously said.

"I know p sawyer, I know. I will be there to hold your hand all the way through it", Brooke replied. The two sat there staring at the fire for a long time just holding each other. They both realized no matter what happened in the upcoming months they had each other.

Peyton couldn't help that her thoughts drifted to Lucas. She cursed herself inwardly. God why does he have to be so sexy she thought. Well, she thought to herself, tomorrow is another day. I will just take this letting go thing one day at a time.


	3. Chapter 3

Peyton walked in ten minutes late to the studied wishing she hadn't had those last two drinks last night

Peyton walked in ten minutes late to the studio wishing she hadn't had those last two drinks last night. Her head was pounding, and she was about to spend a full day listening to loud music.

Haley was already in the studio listening to Mia warm up. "I'm so sorry I am late. It was a pretty rough morning", Peyton exclaimed. "Looks like it", Haley coldly replied back.

Peyton knew that Haley was still mad about the Lucas kiss. For the last two days the only words that passed between the two concerned Mia. I guess part of this letting go thing is making up for the ones I have hurt she thought.

"Listen Haley, I know I have been acting irrational lately, and the whole me and Lucas kiss should have never happened. This has been hard you know. Not only did I quit my job in LA, I come back home and find everyone seemingly happy and successful", Peyton said. "I have never felt more like a failure", she stated.

"Peyton, I…", Haley said but she was cut of by Peyton, "I need to get this out. I'm done living in the past. I am letting go of him. I can't promise I will like Lindsay, Haley, and I shouldn't have too. I just want to apologize for putting you in an awkward situation."

Haley smiled, "I'm starting to see a little of the old Peyton coming back." "That's what I'm going for", Peyton responded.

After about four hours of recording Peyton suddenly had an idea of how to get Mia a little recognition. "Haley we should have a showcase for Mia. You know an all ages night so we can get a diverse group of people. You think Lucas would let us do it at Tric?", Peyton asked.

"Sounds like a good idea Peyton. You should ask Lucas", Haley said. Peyton realized she said she was going to be friends with Lucas but come on it had only been one day. She didn't know if she was ready for Lucas/Peyton interaction yet.

Being the dedicated manager she was to Mia, she decided to go to the school and see if she could catch Lucas before he left.

Lucas was sitting at his office in the school not really wanting to go home. Lindsay was so proud of him and the all nighter of writing he had. He knew the true reason for his writing, and he almost felt like he was cheating on her. For some reason he could think of a million ways to write about Peyton, her beauty, her passion. He hated how she still made him feel like he was in junior year of high school.

All of the sudden the woman consuming his thoughts walked straight into his office. She looked beautiful wearing jeans and a black tank top. Her hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail. He loved her natural beauty.

"Hey", she said while biting her lip. He had the sudden urge to push her up against the wall and get lost in her lips. Damn Lucas he thought she is trying to be a friend to you and all you can think about is jumping her.

"Earth to Lucas", she said while walking closer up to his desk. "Sorry Peyton, I was lost in my thoughts. What brings you here", he said trying to sound calm and collected.

"Actually I had a friendly favor to ask. I was thinking maybe we could do an all ages showcase night for Mia at Tric, but seeing how I am low on funds; I thought maybe I could pay you later or something. I just really want Mia to start being heard", she quickly responded.

She was really nervous. For some reason he was staring intensely at her, almost like he was staring into her soul. She always hated this about Lucas. She had built up so many walls, and he was the only one that could see through them.

"Actually that sounds like a good idea. Don't worry I can get Nate, Hales, and Skills to help set up seeing how you don't really have the money to hire anyone", Lucas added.

Peyton gave him a big smile, which made him melt inside all the more. Peyton turned around to leave but Lucas said, "Peyton I need to say something." He got up and moved right in front of Peyton. Peyton shifted uncomfortably under his gaze.

He was so close she thought. All she wanted to do was to reach up and touch his face, but she knew she couldn't. Staring into her beautiful green eyes Lucas went on, "Thanks for last night. I want you to know your friendship means the world to me." He paused for a moment not knowing whether he should go on or not. He then said, "And I will always love you Peyton its just…"

"Luke", Peyton sad giving him a small smile, "there is no need to explain." She wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her close taking in the smell of her shampoo. After all these years she still used the same brand.

"Well I will give you a call to let you know about the date and everything", Peyton said letting go of Lucas. "Thanks for doing this for me Luke, I mean it", she said.

Peyton walked out the door leaving Lucas yet again to his thoughts. He stood there watching her leave, relishing the feel of her arms around him. Her smell, god her smell drove him crazy.

He suddenly had the same urge to write again. He sat down at his desk and furiously started writing. An hour had passed and he knew he wouldn't be home soon so he called Lindsay. "Hey babe", she said, "what is taking you so long?" "I am in another writing mood and I don't want to break it. I think I am going to spend the night in my office", he replied. "All right, I guess I will see you tomorrow", she said sounding disappointed.

After he hung up the phone he sat there with a sick feeling in his stomach. He loved Lindsay and he needed to remind himself that. The only problem was the sexy blond kept popping up. So, he did one of the only things that brought his mind peace. He started writing.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing...this is just a something to do in my spare time:)

Peyton had decided to have the showcase for Mia on Saturday night. She got up early and arrived at Tric on Saturday morning. For the past week she had barely talked to Lucas, and when she did it was polite conversation concerning tonight.

Skills, Brooke, Nathan, and Haley were going to arrive in a couple of hours to help set everything up. Peyton stood looking around the empty club with a smile on her face. For once in her life she felt like she was finally doing something she could be proud of. She was doing something both her moms would be proud of which only made her happier.

Peyton turned on the speakers and was blaring Dashboard. She started to set up a VIP corner where Mia could sign autographs after the show, when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around startled and found herself staring in crystal blue eyes. "Hey Luke, what are you doing here", she asked.

"I thought you could use an extra pair of hands setting up, but I guess I am a little early. I thought everyone was coming around ten", he replied. The truth was he knew everyone else was coming around one, but he had to see her. She no longer came to see him like she use to. He knew she was trying to let go, but he just missed her.

"They should be here around one, but there is a lot to do", she said. For the next half an hour they both quietly worked both not knowing what to say. They both kept secretly looking at each other hoping the other wouldn't catch them.

Lucas was at the bar trying to get the water faucet to work when all of a sudden the pipe popped off, and water started spraying everywhere. Peyton turned around and started cracking up at Lucas.

He was drenched and trying with no luck to stop the water from shooting up by placing his hands on the shooting stream. The affect only made the water spray out at odd angles.

Peyton could not stop laughing. A frustrated wet Lucas said, "Um a little help would be greatly appreciated Peyton." "Alright you big baby, I am coming", Peyton replied.

Peyton went over to the bar and tried to turn the water off, but the handle was stuck. Lucas smiling and tilted his hands, so now all the water squirted towards Peyton. Peyton screamed and ran around the bar towards Lucas.

"I am going to kill you Lucas Scott", screamed Peyton. Lucas could not stop laughing, "look I will turn off the water if you take my place." Peyton switched places with Lucas, and Lucas went under the bar and turned the water off.

He tried to get up, but slipped on the water pulling Peyton down with him. He was on top of her, and they were both laughing. They stopped when they realized how close they were to each other.

Green eyes staring into blue eyes. Peyton licked her lips, and Lucas could not look away. Her lips mesmerized him. Peyton started breathing heavy in anticipation to what was going to happen. Lucas started moving closer to Peyton's face not caring anymore about the consequences.

Just before their lips met Lucas' cell phone started ringing over on a table. Reality hit the two and Lucas quickly got up. He ran over to the phone and answered it. "Hey Lindsay. Yeah I will meet you for lunch. The place is starting to look great. I miss you too. Bye", he said into the phone.

Meanwhile Peyton had started cleaning up the water. Lucas not really looking at her said, "I will call the plumber and have this fixed before the show tonight. I should go get cleaned up, but me and Lindsay will come by later to help with the finishing touches."

"Yeah I should go get cleaned up too before the others show up", she replied. They both were avoiding looking at each other.

Peyton went up to Lucas, "hey you got a little dirt on your face", she said. She gently put her hand to his cheek and rubbed the dirt off. Lucas closed his eyes when she touched him. Something inside him started to stir with the simple contact.

"Thanks Peyton. I will see you later okay", Lucas said with a small smile. He turned around and left before she could say anything. Peyton stood there wet and cold, but she didn't care. It had been years since she laughed like that. She was just scared of her feelings for the person who was making her laugh again.

Peyton went to home to change before the others came. This is going to be an interesting evening she thought with a smile.


	5. Chapter 5

Peyton looked into the mirror in her room for what seemed like the hundredth time. Clothes were thrown across the floor from previous attempts at the perfect outfit. She told herself she needed to look perfect for Mia's big night, but in her heart she knew it was for him.

Damn Lucas Scott she thought. Damn for making her laugh like that again. It was just a fluke you know. Letting go is not easy she reminded herself. She had settled on a deep green strapless dress that would make any man in his right mind scream. She also had killer stilettos on that made her already long legs look longer.

She kept teller herself she wasn't showing off her legs, one of his favorite parts about her, because she knew he liked it. No she needed to look good because she was the manager of a rising star. With a final touch of lip-gloss she set of to Tric.

Peyton walked into Tric and could not have been happier. The gang really came through, and everything was perfect. She had even tried to be nice to Lindsay when Lucas and Lindsay came later on to help decorate. The club was packed and she could not have been more proud.

Lucas immediately spotted Peyton when she walked in. He was sitting at the far end of the bar waiting for Lindsay to come back from the bathroom. Just looking at Peyton made his blood burn. He could still remember the feel of her on top of him from the morning. God I need another drink or maybe a cold shower he thought.

"Owen can I get another beer", Lucas asked. This is going to be a long night Lucas admitted.

Peyton spotted Brooke at the end of the bar opposite from Lucas. Brooke was shamelessly flirting with Owen, but from the looks of it he was hardly paying her any attention. "I don't get it Peyton. I am sexy. If you were a guy you would totally do me right?", Brooke asked. "You know I would Brooke", Peyton replied with a laugh.

Peyton ordered a drink because she needed something to calm her nerves. She could feel Lucas' gaze on her, but she would not give him the pleasure of looking back at him.

He made his choice she thought and now I have to move on. "So what is the plan tonight p sawyer? Are we making Lucas drool or are we going to make Lindsay really uncomfortable?", Brooke slyly asked. "You know I am done with those games Brooke. I am just trying to be here for Mia tonight", Peyton replied.

"Good for you Peyton, I was just testing you anyways. And hey there are a lot of sexy men her tonight so keep your eye out. But remember the cute bartender is all mine", Brooke said with a wink.

"Alright Brooke, besides we went through the love triangle faze in high school, and I sure as hell don't want to go through that again. I need to go find Mia, but I will catch you later", Peyton said.

Peyton walked by Lucas without even looking at him. She really wasn't trying any games she just needed space. Lucas' eyes followed Peyton until she went to her office. He really needed to get a handle on things. Peyton was a friend he thought and Lindsay is my fiancée.

Lindsay was over at a table talking to Haley. She looked at Lucas and smiled and waved. Lucas could only muster up a head nod. "Owen I think I need another one already", Lucas asked the bartender.

Lucas had just killed his fourth beer when Peyton finally walked out of her office. She went onstage an announced Mia to everyone at Tric. She then went to the bar and took an empty seat as far away from Lucas as possible.

Lucas feeling a little buzzed was tired of the avoidance game. Mia started to play No Good while Lucas started towards Peyton. He sat beside her making sure Lindsay was nowhere in sight.

"Are we going to play this game all night", Lucas coldly asked. "Luke I don't know what you are talking about. Maybe you should go back to Lindsay. I don't need to deal with this right now", she spat back.

"What happened between us today", Lucas asked looking at her with a little hurt and confusion at the tone of her voice. "Luke we really shouldn't be this close to each other. You are engaged now. This is no longer us sneaking glances at each other behind Brooke's back in high school. I told you I am letting you go. You made your choice. It is done", Peyton responded.

Peyton got up and went to an empty table. Lucas rejoined Lindsay at the other end of the bar. "Hey baby", she said, "are you alright." "Yeah", he said. I just think it is time for another drink."

Lucas watched Peyton. He couldn't believe the nerve of some guy going up to her and buying her a drink. He couldn't believe Peyton was falling for some random dude at the bars lines. She was smiling; the real honest to god Peyton is happy smile. That smile was supposed to be for him. Man I need another drink.


	6. Chapter 6

For the first time in a long time Peyton was actually enjoying herself with a guy besides Lucas. His name was Andrew and he taught at Tree Hill High School. He was basically the perfect guy, tall, dark, and handsome.

She still felt Lucas' eyes on her, but she was caring less and less what he thought. I mean he was the engaged one she thought. The whole reason she was letting him go was to find something in life that made her as happy as Lucas did. Of course his constant staring tonight was not helping anything.

Lucas was seething at the bar. With every smile, laugh, or innocent touch that Peyton gave Andrew, Lucas grew more and more worked up. Lindsay came up to Lucas and said "Luke I am going to go home. I have a really bad headache. Don't be too late alright babe." Lucas gave her a weak smile and told her goodbye with a peck on the lips.

Nathan had been watching Lucas all night. He finally went over to him to speak his mind. "Lucas what the hell do you think you are doing? The fiancée you have avoided all night just left because she isn't feeling well, and you are sitting here staring at Peyton and downing god knows how many beers. If you aren't careful Lucas you are going to be left with no one", Nathan said.

A stubbornly drunken Lucas responded, "What gives you the right to pass judgment on me. I see the way your nanny looks at you, and I also see how you don't really do anything about it. I assume Haley doesn't know right." "Watch it Luke. You are drunk. Just go home and leave Peyton alone", Nathan said angrily.

As Nathan walked away Lucas ordered what could have been his sixth or seventh drink. His rational part of his brain was screaming at him, telling him he is going to ruin everything. Unfortunately Lucas had consumed enough alcohol to immobilize any rational thinking.

Peyton on the other hand was having a great time. She was feeling buzzed after her third drink, and the conversation was wonderfully flowing with Andrew. She knew she looked good, she was confident, and based on the reaction of crowd at Tric her record label would be a hit.

Peyton too was starting to have a little trouble with the rational part of her brain. She knew Lucas was still watching so she started to put on a show. She touched Andrew's arm more than necessary and laughed more than needed. She wanted Lucas to pay a little for hurting her, even though deep down she knew revenge was not the best route.

She could tell Lucas was heated. Nathan and Lucas had just had a conversation and from her point of view it did not go very well. Obviously her little game was working. For the icing on the cake she told Andrew she needed to go to the bathroom and then gave him a kiss on the cheek

She was looking at Lucas the whole time. Even relatively far away from him she could clearly see the lust, jealousy, and anger in his eyes. Her emotions took the best of her, and she knew she had gone to far. She felt the hurt all over again. She was supposed to be getting over Lucas and not playing mind games with him. She wanted to take the high road in this situation. Peyton felt the urge to get fresh air and immediately went outside.

Lucas royally pissed off went after Peyton. He lost her in the crowd and didn't know where she went. Finally he went outside. She was standing against the wall looking deep in thought and confused at the same time.

Lucas couldn't help but want to go over and hold her, but at the same time he was drunk and pissed. "Where's the guy Peyton? Getting a little friendly for just meeting him wouldn't you say? I never took you for one of those desperate girls at the bar", Lucas responded coldly inwardly kicking himself when tears started to swell in her eyes.

"Go away Lucas", she responded with little emotion. "What Peyton you need me to get dude man by the bar out here to help you home?", Lucas couldn't stop himself. With the alcohol making his head swim he felt like he was no longer in control of his emotions.

Peyton also pretty drunk as well had, had enough. "STOP! You have no right to say anything to me. I can do whatever the hell I want Lucas Scott. You were the one who left me remember. You left me in a hotel room Luke. You are the one who kissed me and then proposed to someone else. You have no hold on me anymore. In fact you know what I just might go inside, get Andrew, take him home, and screw him. What does it matter to you", Peyton said seething.

Peyton was heated, and Lucas could not remember a time she looked sexier. God he was so turned on right now that he would have taken there up against the wall. "Peyt…", he tried to get out. "No Luke", she said furiously, "I am not your Peyt. I am not your anything. Go back home to your fiancée."

She was so angry she was shaking. Her head was spinning a little from the four or so drinks she had. Lucas was staring at her with passion filled eyes. Neither of them said anything.

Lucas started walking closer to Peyton, so she started moving backwards. Peyton was backed up against the wall. Lucas had his arms blocking her against the wall. He was breathing heavily obviously pissed off. They continued staring at each other with a mixture of anger, lust, and love in their eyes.

Neither cared anymore about the rules or consequences. Neither could think about anything else but this moment. The world around them melted away, and Lucas pulled Peyton into a soul-searing kiss. This was not a sweet innocent kiss like they had shared in her office a week or so ago. They hungrily attacked each for all the years that had passed without that contact.

Lucas was touching as many parts of Peyton as he could. He pushed her hard against the wall, grinding up against her. They broke the kiss in need for air, and Lucas started to kiss the spot on her neck that made her toes curl.

"God Luke…I have wanted this…feels so good", Peyton could barely get out. "Peyton my god you are killing me. I need you", Lucas responded. Lucas had started his hand up Peyton's thigh while his other hand worked on her breast. "Luke, please", she cried.

They found each other's lips again with as much force as the last kiss. Peyton slipped a hand under Lucas' shirt. That is when reality set back in. Haley and Nathan walked outside talking and laughing. Peyton and Lucas both froze. They moved deeper in the corner hoping to not be noticed.

Nathan and Haley could not see the pair and continued out of sight. The fact that they almost were caught about to have sex on a brick wall outside of a public place was a very sobering event.

"I…", Peyton tried to say. "Peyt, that was…", Lucas tried to muster up something as well. "Goodnight Luke", Peyton said and quickly walked off. Lucas once again was left alone to his thoughts.

Peyton went back into the nearly empty club and straight into her office. She sat down in her chair and put her fingers on her lips. She was trying to take in every aspect of the kiss. She put her head in her hands and silently cried.

Lucas walked to the rivercourt in order to clear his head. The only thoughts in his head were of Peyton. She fits so perfectly against him. Her touches literally made his skin burn. "I can't kid myself anymore", he said, "I am still in love with Peyton." He sat there for a couple hours dreading what he had to do next.


End file.
